Top 12 Tips to Tell if Your Husband is Cheating on You

Posted October 3, 2011 in Your Family & The Law by

By Larry Bodine, Editor in Chief, Lawyers.com

 

Recently, there’s been speculation whether Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s relationship is over because he’s been seen with other women. Should Demi have seen the signs?

Infidelity is one of the primary causes of divorce. Most cheating husbands have recognizable patterns and you simply need to follow his trail to find out. To find out for sure follow these tips and make notes. You’ll need them if you decide to call a divorce lawyer. “Since adultery is one of the grounds for fault-based divorce, proving adultery can help expedite the process and help determine the terms of a settlement,” says Annapolis, MD lawyer Dawn M. Green.

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1. Cell Phone. If he got a second cell phone not required by his job, be wary, especially if the bills go to his office. If he abruptly leaves the room and closes the door whenever a friend calls and he has hushed conversations – these are tip-offs. Notice if says “I’ll call you back” when he’s not busy. Pay attention if he’s defensive when you ask him who he was talking to. If you can examine his cell phone, check the call log for numbers he calls repeatedly and learn how to reverse look up cell phone numbers. Be sure to examine sent text messages – you may have to takes steps to undelete text messages.

2. Computer. Email can be a dead giveaway – just review the inbox and sent emails. Google him and see what he says in his online profile, especially on Facebook. Be wary if he recently changed his password or has password-protected parts of his computer he won’t let you see. If he has nothing to hide, then why the secrecy? If he is spending a lot of time online late at night, inquire about it. Click on “history” in the web browser and see what sites he’s visited, like online dating or “married but looking” sites.

3. Bank statements, his check register and credit card bills. It costs money to cheat. Be alert if he is spending money on flowers, jewelry and gifts that you didn’t get. Look for charges at restaurants, hotels and unfamiliar stores where you weren’t present, or when he wasn’t on a business trip. A stay at a local hotel is a red flag. Check the statements and bills online if you don’t have a printed copy. Look for unfamiliar charges and call the credit card company to find out more.

4. Past behavior may be a predictor. Did he cheat on you before? Did he cheat on a previous girlfriend in the past? Deception in the past makes it easier to do again.

5. Clothing. Did he just change the kind of underwear he wears? Did he recently buy trendier clothes than he normally wears? Did he change his aftershave or start wearing cologne? Has he started carrying a gym bag with extra clothing? Ask him about it and be on the alert if he gets defensive.

6. Talk to others. Ask your trusted friends for their objective opinion about your husband’s possible infidelity, and you may be surprised. Check out his excuses by talking to his co-workers and friends whom he told you he was out with, and see if their stories match.

7. His car. Hide a battery-powered magnetic GPS device in his car, for example, in a cosmetic pouch in the glove box. Later, you can plug the device into the USB port on a computer and view a map of where his car has been. Look for stops at hotels and apartments. You can buy GPS trackers online for about $300. “Can you put a GPS tracking system on your spouse’s car? Yes. Can the information obtained from that Tracking System be used against that spouse? If the vehicle to be tracked is a ‘joint car’ or your sole property then the placement of the device is permissible,” says lawyer Bryan L. Salamone of Melville, N.Y.

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8. Opportunity to cheat. Is less than half of your free time spent with each other? Is he regularly working late but not getting a raise for it? When he has free time does he spend it with others? Are most of his friends single? Does he not include you in work-related social events? These are all warning signs. Try calling him at work at random times and if he’s not there, ask where he is and when he’s expected back.

9. Change in behavior. There is no good reason for a married man to stay out all night on a weekend without you. The same goes if he says he’s going out for a drink and comes home hours later. Research also shows that a change in your husband’s interest in sex often occurs in cases of infidelity. Look for unexplained bruises or scratches on his neck or back. On a related note, if he got Viagra without telling you and he’s under age 50, ask why. Pay attention if he’s very close to a co-worker or he regularly has lunch with an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend. Notice if he goes to the gym wearing jeans and cologne, and doesn’t take his workout clothes along. Pay attention if he comes home smelling like soap, which could be sign of cleaning up after a daytime tryst. Be aware if immediately after coming home, he takes a shower and puts his clothes in the washing machine.

10. Pockets. Check his laundry and jacket pockets to see if there are handwritten phone numbers, ticket stubs or condoms. If there are, run a Google search on the number. If his wedding ring is in his pocket, that’s a red flag.

11. Change in his opinion about infidelity. Ask him what he thinks about husbands who cheat. Notice his expression when he answers. If he says there sometimes are good reasons for husbands to cheat, watch out. If this is a new opinion, it’s a red flag.

12. Motive. Take an honest look at yourself. Is there any reason your spouse might find you less attractive? Has the flame gone out in your relationship? Have you ever committed infidelity yourself? These are all risk factors that your husband may cheat on you.

You could also hire a private detective to find out. It may cost a bit, but you’ll have the proof you need.

If you decide divorce is your next step, review our Checklist: Preparing for Divorce and Information to Gather When Considering Divorce. It’s better to take action than wait for the shoe to drop.