Top 10 Ways to Tell if Your Wife is Cheating on You

Posted November 21, 2011 in Your Family & The Law by Penny Arevalo

Women are less likely to cheat than men, but it happens. The signs of a cheating wife are not unlike the signs of a cheating husband. The main question a husband who’s considering divorce has to answer is, is it worth it financially and emotionally to get proof?

     
  • Signs a wife is cheating
  • Fault vs. no-fault divorces
  • Advice for the cheated upon

 

Catching a cheating spouse

A number of websites offers all sorts of signs husbands can look for if they suspect their wives are having an affair. Here are Lawyers.com’s Top 10:

  1. She has a sudden need for privacy. Find out where she’s been driving by installing a GPS satellite device which can track her vehicle’s exact location 24 hours a day.
  2. She’s suddenly working longer hours or taking business trips. Or she goes grocery shopping and comes home five hours later. An affair takes time and a change in how she spends it can be a tipoff.
  3. It costs money to be a cheater. Check her car mileage, receipts, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals and phone records for anything out of the ordinary.
  4. She ends a phone call abruptly when you enter the room, and erases the call history from her cell phone. Check the phone log on her see if there are any numbers you don’t recognize. On a separate phone, call the numbers and see who answers. You can also look up phone numbers online. Consider getting a cell phone monitoring device.
  5. She smells of men’s cologne and it’s not yours. She also has new jewelry and little gifts that you didn’t buy her.
  6. She’s spending a lot of time on the computer. Many affairs begin on social networking sites or online dating sites. Open her browser and check which website she’s visited. If the history has been erased, that’s a red flag. Download and install monitoring software (keylogger) on her computer, which will make it easier for you to monitor your spouse’s activities.
  7. Most cheaters are caught inadvertently. Plan a surprise visit to her workplace, or come home at unexpected times, or make announcements about having to work late, but then come home early and see what you find.
  8. She has a newfound interest in working out and she’s preoccupied with her appearance.
  9. She has new and revealing clothes and new, hidden lingerie
  10. There’s a change in your sex life with her, either a lot more or a lot less.

When an Affair Matters in a Divorce

Twenty-one states don’t require a spouse to be at fault for a divorce. Couples can simply decide they have “irreconcilable differences” or that there’s been an “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage. Many states require couples to live separately for a year before they grant the divorce.

Only in seven states must one come up with a reason, or grounds, for the divorce. Adultery is typically considered grounds for divorce, but there are others, such as abandonment, drug or alcohol abuse or physical abuse.

The remainder, 22 states, grant divorces both on a fault or no-fault basis. This Lawyers.com chart lists which states require fault for divorce, which are no-fault and which grant both kinds of divorce.

What to Do if Your Wife is Cheating

It’s not enough to have suspicions a wife is cheating, says Dana McKee of Baltimore’s Brown, Goldstein & Levy. In order to use adultery as grounds for divorce, one must have proof.

”It’s very difficult to prove and it’s very costly to prove,” McKee says. Witnesses rarely want to come forward to corroborate the affair and hiring a private investigator can be expensive.

”You have to prove she had the intention and the opportunity to commit adultery,” which is defined as intercourse. Proving a wife went out to dinner with a man who was not her husband or engaged in online flirting is not adultery, she adds.

On the other hand, proving that she went to a man’s apartment and didn’t leave until 3 a.m., with an embrace at an open door, is better evidence, McKee says.

But building a case, and then letting the wife’s attorney have access to the evidence through a process called discovery, is very time-consuming, McKee says. In those states that allow a no-fault divorce, it may be much easier emotionally and financially to opt for the no-fault divorce.

Even those divorces that involve adultery, there are typically other issues that can be grounds for divorce, McKee says, which can make for an easier, less costly divorce.

Penny Ar